Being a weird kid is not always a bad thing.
Not being able to fit in hits differently, you have your friends and people who actually love and care about you, but it just doesn't feel right. You can't explain it to them, no matter how hard you try.
I love my friends, I really do. However, sometimes, when we talk, I can't help but notice how different I am from them. I realized the weird one is me because they had the same interests as others.
These didn't change as I grew up. They just got worse. To the point that all my energy suddenly ran out when I was around people, I suddenly became quiet.
I have to admit I had some weird interests. I still do. I mean, not everyone finds backrooms comforting or like to play traumatizing video games. Not everyone used to collect dry wound skin. I sometimes wonder if someone as young as me should really be this used to gore, even if it's just in movies and video games.
There are more things that separate me from my friends. Some things that aren't that bold. For example, as a kid, I always knew tooth fairies were not real, I never bought that. Or I never liked those princess movies( except for Ariel) because I always wondered why they were waiting for a prince to save them. They have always been boring to me. Even though I didn't believe in the tooth fairy and all I believed in magic, I still do. Some of my friends think we are alike, but from my point of view, we are nothing alike.
Nowadays, I don't try to change what I like anymore. I'm trying to find people who make me feel happy. I no longer care if I'm gonna be known as eccentric because I like to live the way I'd be happy.
I've learned not to be ashamed of my interests. Someone who is very important to me has told me this, and at least for them, I'm not trying to change myself anymore.
At this point, I can't help but wonder if others are too cliché. The same interests, and the same thoughts. It's suffocating, to be honest.
I've found people who actually make me feel happy, who make me feel like I belong there. I found activities that fill my heart with joy or the style that I'm comfortable in. I found things that make me feel alive.
There are still times that I don't feel like I belong here. I'm afraid I can't explain how it actually feels like. But when I feel like that, I can barely even get out of bed, let alone socialize. As if I'm drowning- or maybe just fading- or perhaps trapped in an empty dark room. It's not just about being with people, it's about everything. This whole place- my own body even. Sometimes even small things trigger it, sometimes even seeing the things I like. Perhaps I have always wished to change some certain things that are out of my reach, and this is why I don't feel comfortable with the situation right now.
Last but not least, I've learned to love myself with all of these. I think it's my differences what makes me special, what makes me strong and whenever I feel about it I remind myself there are still people who love with me all of these differences. The way I live and enjoy my life is more important that the way people think of me. I no longer want to live the role that is not meant for me. My only regret is that I learned this too late, after neglecting myself because of these differences a little too much. But it's never too late, right?
𝖠𝗉𝗈𝗅𝗅𝗈 𝗌𝖺𝗒𝗌 𝗇𝗈 بیاید چنل جدید (بیو).
نمیدونم چرا ولی رنگ عشق.
I'M THE MOST SINGLE PERSON😭😭😭😭
𝖠𝗉𝗈𝗅𝗅𝗈 𝗌𝖺𝗒𝗌 𝗇𝗈 بیاید چنل جدید (بیو).
اینجا زرد-طلاییه Change my mind☝🏻
رنگ کاغذ دفترمه حقیقتا
𝖠𝗉𝗈𝗅𝗅𝗈 𝗌𝖺𝗒𝗌 𝗇𝗈 بیاید چنل جدید (بیو).
اینجا زرد-طلاییه Change my mind☝🏻
Yayy I like that
Reminds me of Apollo-
𝖠𝗉𝗈𝗅𝗅𝗈 𝗌𝖺𝗒𝗌 𝗇𝗈 بیاید چنل جدید (بیو).
نمبدونم رنگش چیه
کاهی؟ اونم دوست دارمم