حرف میزد و سیگار میکشید،،گاهی یک پاکت را در یک نشست دود میکرد و بعد در راه برگشت،،بغض و سرفهاش با هم قاطی میشد.
قهوهی دیازپام
دوباره ساختم.
I wanna call you late at night, but I freeze my hand,
Scared you’ll laugh at the weakness I can’t stand.
I write a thousand texts, but delete ‘em all,
One wrong word, and I’m braced for the fall.
Every smile feels fake, every compliment’s a lie,
I’m sure you’ll leave, so I never even try.
I crave your arms, but I drown in my doubt,
The second you step close, I’m already backing out.
I want your love, but I don’t believe it’s mine,
I run in circles, stuck in my own design.
I’m stuck in my skin, tearing at the seams,
Too scared of the truth, too lost in my dreams.
I beg for affection, then I slam the door,
I can’t take the silence, but I can’t want more.
I cancel plans, say I’m sick again,
Afraid you’ll see through the cracks I defend.
Loneliness cuts, but rejection cuts deep,
So I swallow my words and I fall back to sleep.
I watch the world from the corner of the room,
Every laugh I hear feels like my doom.
Even when you’re kind, I can’t trust the sound,
I’m sure you’ll hate me when the truth comes ‘round.
I’m a push then pull, a beg then run,
I’m the empty night after the dying sun.
I’m a ghost in the mirror, afraid of the glass,
Trapped in a future poisoned by my past.
I’m stuck in my skin, tearing at the seams,
Too scared of the truth, too lost in my dreams.
I beg for affection, then I slam the door,
I can’t take the silence, but I can’t want more.
“You’ll never love me… you’ll only leave.
So I shut you out before you can deceive.
I want you close, but I choke on the thought,
Every heartbeat reminds me of the battles I fought.”
I’m stuck in my skin, and it’s breaking me down,
Drowning in fear, I can’t make a sound.
I beg for your warmth, then I push you aside,
Forever alone, where my shadows collide.
One last drag, one last bitter sip…
Avoidant heart on a sinking ship.
وضعیت کنترل خشمم به جایی رسیده که حتی با چت جی پی تی هم دعوا میکنم و عصبی میشم .
ذهنم و انگشتانم مثل دو دیوانه کار میکنند؛اگر کارم به جنون نکشد در من هنرمندی خواهید یافت.